old pages

You know when you have something special, something that you want to keep forever, something that means a lot to you… and you put it somewhere safe, and then one day you realize that the safe place is no longer safe at all but the thing you cherish is gone, lost, and no matter how hard you try the memory of what ‘safe’ place you chose to place it, is gone.

That happened to me this fall, something I hold dear was broken, I couldn’t afford to fix it so I placed it somewhere safe until I had the money to get it fixed… but when I placed it in that safe place I was between the cottage and Costa Rica for two days, and I was busy so for the life of me I couldn’t remember where I had put it…

This January I determined to rip apart this house until I found it, and I found a lot of treasures in the search. Many old journals surfaced, lost of old poetry and writings of broken hearts and lonely hours, words on the paper of my youth, the struggles, the triumphs, the agonies that only seem like agonies in our younger years, the same agonies we almost wish for when life really throws us a fast ball that lands in our gut.

I was a dramatic young girl, full of huge emotions, big dreams, love, heartbreak, and always, always I had words… I have found myself in a love affair with words these days; though I suppose they have always moved me, fascinated me, evoked deep emotions and beauty.

Words hold so much power, they can change lives, perspectives, hearts and they tear it all apart just as easily.

Think of the word almost, how it drips with anticipation, of being in the in between. The word rage, which oozes its filth on you as you read it, instantly conjuring a moment, a feeling, a deep wound. The word Goodbye, with all the anguish it brings, the worry, the aching pain, the loneliness, the longing…

Every word, drips with emotion, is ripe with meaning, it pulls us into places in our minds, both joyful memories but also painful places we wish were forgotten. Words that remind you of a youth gone by that bring a smile or possibly a giggle as you remember the sillier you that you once were, the words that remind you where you have been, and then fill you with ease because that’s not where you are now. Words that hold promises, words that bring hope, words that strike fear, words that share a thousand meanings and when you string them all together you see your story. It’s written on the old pages of your life, they are being written now and in years to come you will see those words and it will stir up every possible emotion you have felt over a lifetime. The words of your story that you are writing now will reveal who you are to the generations coming, leaving a legacy that you are working on now…

and it all starts with just 26 letters, strung together to form a word, then a sentence, a paragraph, a chapter that becomes a story, a story that reveals a life lived.

L

Published by lauriehaughton

Author & Photographer

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