a tiny view into my life as a pastors wife

Before I even start this post I need to place a disclaimer:

This is not a post about our church or anything to do with our church. I absolutely love the family of believers that we have joined and feel blessed to be a part of this amazing community. 

This is a post that has been banging out about in my head for years and Ive never had the words to properly express how I feel about it. It’s a post that I have worried would be taken offence too so I chose to remain silent… but today I have the words, and today I am not worried that it will cause offence because I think for the average person reading it you will see that it is simply a call to awareness, not a pity cry, not a fishing rod sent out for words of encouragement. It is simply a glimpse into life as a pastors wife; into a pastors life.

In the church, (again, this is the church in the greater terminology not one specific church), when a person is dealing with difficult times, when a person needs comfort or help or prayer or guidance; you turn to your pastor. You seek someone who can lead you forward and help you see things from a new and different perspective. It’s a beautiful relationship really, one that I have called upon many times in the past when I was struggling with things, or when I needed hope that only a pastor can clearly offer (and offer in confidence). It’s not simply turning to a friend, it’s like seeking counselling and you know that this person loves you, loves God, and desires the best for you. You also have a deep trust and knowledge that this person (your pastor) will keep these deep and private thoughts to him/herself.

What I have come to realize in the  last 9 years of marriage is that for a pastor, there is no pastor. A pastor and his family have no such person to turn too. We struggle along the best that we can and when things go wonky there is no objective, loving person to offer guidance and hope and direction or even just to offer up a prayer with us. Being a pastors family can be a lonely place and with no one there to really turn to is there any wonder that pastors burn out? It strikes me as sad that there is no appointed pastor to pastors or pastors wives. Even for the mundane things that sometimes just need an outsider to give clarity too… It grieves me. (This is not a pity post! I am fine, we are fine! I really want to stress that. It is simply as I said, a call to awareness of life with a pastor; because sometimes we aren’t fine. Sometimes we need someone to pray with us, to offer advise, to give what Tim is used to giving. Objective, loving, confidential counsel from, not a friend, not a family member but a pastor.)

I am not sure that the general population fully realizes the loss until they find themselves in the situation and that is why I thought to share this today.


Published by lauriehaughton

Author & Photographer

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