My brain may just implode

 For a long time I went about doing things in a disordered and chaotic way, I am not an organized soul… in fact once upon a time I took great pride in my disordered existence. Planning?? What’s that?? I remember when Tim and I started dating and he took me out for dinner and he pulled out his planner and started planning weeks in advance what nights we would have dates so that he could schedule his meetings around it… I teased him for years about that night (still do actually). I made it my goal to teach him spontaneity; which lead to a few calls where he was calling to tell me that he was planning a spontaneous date night (four nights away). 😉 For the first few holidays we took together as a married couple we actually had to plan time to ‘be spontaneous’ or our days were planned so perfectly that I wouldn’t have time to just wander…

Yes, I tease Tim regularly about it. The truth is though, over the course of the last number of years I have come to envy his organized ways, I have come to appreciate that when we go away we know where we are going, and that we have a hotel when we get there. (My old plan was to arrive in a city and find the closest hostel to crash – which admittedly led to a few nights on a bench in a train station or two).

This month I particularly jealous of him, and I am quickly learning that I need to swallow my pride and admit I have a problem. Today for example… I am a photographer… yet I forgot that it was picture day for Kaleb and sent him to school looking.. well, less than stellar for a picture that will haunt him for years. I had to run home and grab a nice shirt so that his picture wouldn’t scream ‘my mama forgot it was picture day’. Last week I was annoyed with Josh’s teacher for not telling me in advance that he need to bring a potato to school… (he came home and told me he needed a tomato so I went about getting one – not an easy feat that night)… but when he came home from school the next day he brought the tomato and a note from the teacher saying ‘potato, not tomato’… turns out it was on the class calendar that is hanging in plain sight on my fridge!

I have two kids library books returning on different days (often I get the days, or sometimes the books mixed up ), I have photo shoot dates ringing about my brain, and meetings with doctors and organizations regarding CHD awareness… and now I have a a bunch of appointments for the doctors banging around up there too… I think, truly, that my brain is going to either fizz out and fry itself or explode (or possibly implode… can it do that?) if I don’t sort myself out… hard to admit given my absolute pride in being a ‘non-planner’.

I think of that movie (Multiplicity) where Micheal Keaton was cloning himself to get all the things he needed to do done… what I wouldn’t give for a few extra ‘Laurie’s’ hanging around.

Enough moaning… here’s the latest plan/update on Joshua’s recent medical status: We have a clinic visit tomorrow which will include an ECG. He will need to wear a 24 holter (it monitors the heart rhythms for a 24 hour period) and he will be sent home with a ‘telephone transmitter’ which quite honestly I have no idea what it is but I gather we use it during one of his ‘episodes’ to monitor what is happening during the event and then the information is sent to the hospital.

I also spoke with the neurology nurse practitioner who believes these ‘events’ could be seizures… (good thing we have that EEG booked). All in all… I haven’t got a clue what’s going on but I plan to find out.

Basically… it’s just more stuff that will clutter an already cluttered brain. 🙂

Please, before you email with suggestions… I have a calendar on the fridge and on my phone… the issue is remembering to put the dates in… 😉


Published by lauriehaughton

Author & Photographer

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