In the day to day of things I don’t notice change, growth or movement but if I look back at what was, and see what is, I can clearly see change, growth and movement. On the ship I would be in the dining room and not feel that we were moving but if I stood on the balcony of our room I could look out and see the waves rushing past us. Just because I didn’t feel movement in one place didn’t mean we weren’t actually moving.
Life is like that.
I look back at the summer, I see photos of Josh and I see a boy who was so skinny that you had no fat, I could see his spine, and hip bones clearly pronounced and there was literally no meat on a bum that should have had meat. I think back to the summer and I remember how tired a simple walk could make him, how the simple act of getting up and eating were enough to wear him out for the morning. I didn’t see those things at the time, or if I did it, was such a slow transition that I didn’t see how bad it had become.
This weekend we celebrated Tim’s birthday, and we went to Tim’s parents place for dinner. Josh ate three large helpings of beef stew, a piece of bread, two large cupcakes, and a bowl of fruit and custard. He simply ate and ate, and it was amazing to watch. I looked at him more carefully that night while he dressed and got ready for bed. I can no longer see his spine, and his hips are now fleshy, his bum has filled out and there is meat on it where it should be. He looks now, like a healthy young boy. He walks now and there isn’t the constant litany of ‘can you carry me?” or ‘Im too tired’ or ‘Can we rest now?’ He’s got energy, he’s got appetite and he’s slowly starting to come further in his development.
The other day I looked back through diaries from last year at this time. I read the things that I wrote about Josh saying and I was shocked by how far his language has come in the past year. He sings on a regular basis, he chats non-stop, he strings a few sentences together and just recently he has started to explain words to me that he can’t find the right word for… (for example, if he wants to say ‘firetruck’ but can’t find the word because of his processing disorder he will say something like, ‘the red truck that comes if a fire happens’). Basically he is slowly learning techniques to overcome his weaknesses.
It’s hard to see things on a day to day basis, it’s easy to get frustrated by how long things take to happen. This is true in almost every aspect of life. However, move from the center of the ship and stand on the balcony and you will see the movement of the waves, and land is approaching.