Day 6 of isolation: I feel like I might actually lose my mind.
Last week we got the new surgery date, and when I got the date I started to learn that many of the surgeries that were postponed were put off until late August or even September. One lady was saying that her son had been cancelled five times, three of those times were due to her son catching a cold. So here I sit, in a house all packed up and ready to move, limited things for the kids to do, most toys packed for the new house already (I had planned to be at the cottage but my Grandfather got sick so we had to leave). It’s been a mad house!
Josh continues to have nightmares, and most nights I wake to find him crawling into my bed for snuggles. Kaleb, is bored out of his mind, causing him to tease and harass both Josh and I. These walls are closing in, every day they grow a little smaller, the air a little staler. I don’t look forward to surgery, but I do anticipate the day when this is behind us and not before us. I look three or four weeks into our future and I see a glimmer of light at the end of this long and very dark tunnel. I see a day when I can take the kids on a play date without fearing a cold or flu. I see going to church again and being able to sit in the pew with other adults… I see well, you get the idea.
Today a few things happened… it’s been one of those days that I spoke about earlier in the summer where things change by the hour.
This morning I got a call; surgery will be post-poned… I call Tim, my parents and Tim’s parent’s to sort out all the change in babysitting plans for Kaleb, I contact our friend who is organizing the hotel for us (with a number of amazing people) so that she could change the date of the booking… I cried a little – I won’t lie. I am so exhausted, and I just want this behind us so to have a delay, even a short one, caused a momentary lapse in ‘spirit’.
Mid day, a package was left on our door step. Inside, a gift for my youngest, all wrapped in fun wrapping paper with his name spelled out very clearly. The one whom I only just a week ago wrote to say I worried about him being forgotten in all of this mess. Today I saw his smile light the room when he realized that gift was for him and again I was reduced to tears. Happy ones.
This afternoon I got a second call from the hospital, it turns out that a mistake was made and Josh’s file was mixed up with another child’s, his surgery is back to the original (new) date of August first. No second delay. Some other poor family is getting that dreaded call tonight.
The ups and the downs, they are the way things go I know that. I know that God is in control, I trust him completely, I have total faith, and know he loves us. I however, am human and sometimes I get discouraged, sometimes I cry, sometimes I give myself a little room for a pity party. God being in control isn’t the part that has me upset or doubting… it’s just that he isn’t doing what I want when I want! 😉 You know?
So for today, this minute; Josh will be told on Wednesday morning what is happening and when. Kaleb will be told where he’s going and why, and God help us because it will be a horrible discussion for all of us. On Thursday we head to the OR and give Josh over to the surgeons hands. I will do my best to update you as things happen. This is the best way to keep informed if you are not on Facebook.
Thank you for your prayers for us, your encouragement has meant the world to us. I will (barring more changes)… See you on the flip side.
|I thought a shot of the horizon would be appropriate today|