It has been awhile since my last post, it’s been on my mind as a ‘thing to do’ for awhile but it seems that these days the list is too long to accomplish it all. So here we are, a few weeks gone by and no posts. I won’t apologize, most of you know how it goes with two kids and how busy life can get at times. Our routines have changed and life has become a battle zone between the boys. The Kaper is seeking comfort and limits at the same time and Josh is struggling with a fatigue that leaves him angry and frustrated. In many ways it’s like we have a different kid on our hands, he’s hitting, kicking, and having about 4 or 5 meltdowns a day, the kind of meltdown that can’t be spoken into, just ridden out.
Kaleb, doesn’t understand the change in his big brother and he’s seeking more comfort and assurance than ever before. He’s trying hard not to upset his brother but when you are three and your brother is just grumpy all the time it’s hard not to upset him. Sitting beside Josh at the wrong time can send him off. It’s been a tough few weeks and as I have been reflecting on it I have to admit (and this is crazy to me) but I am looking forward to the surgery in some ways. I can see how fast he is deteriorating and I long to see him well and returning to his normal sweet self; all of us miss him, including him I think.
All that to say that getting from A to B in a day is about all the three of us (the boys and I) can do. Anything else is getting put on the side burner for the moment, and you know? I am so okay with that. Giving Josh extra love isn’t hard, comforting Kaleb is a joy to me. Yes, I hate the reasons for the shift in attitudes this past month or so has brought but it’s just one more aspect of living with CHD that we may not have chosen but which we wouldn’t trade if it meant now knowing our son.
I would gladly take a pass on living through the next two months, I would happily skip it and wake up in September with all of this behind us but then I remind myself, summer is here, the water guns are out, the sun shining, and the cottage and lake in the not so distant future. Summer is always a time when the blog dies down a little so please, do check in but also, forgive me for tardy posts…. I am out in the sun trying to make the most of the summer we have.
|#redforjosh has now passed 120, don’t forget to send your shots to firstname.lastname@example.org by July 1st to be a part of the poster we are creating for Josh. For more information visit the post Will You?|