A long time ago, when I was a year into this Blog I went through a period of indecision about what to do. Should I continue it or stop writing it completely. Telling Josh’s story has been good for me, it’s been helpful and encouraging, and at times it’s been the only way to work through some of the complex emotions that I have been struggling with. However, it’s putting my life out there for all to see, not just my life, my kids’ lives and my husbands life. I don’t take that lightly. So, during that time of indecision I began to pray. It seemed to me that the question wasn’t really a question at all. As soon as I began to pray I began to receive emails from people who wanted to encourage me. I decided that I would continue writing the Blog, for His glory alone, and that I would never sell the blog (ie. sell ads on the blog to earn money from it).
This week, in all my excitement about being nominated for the top 25 I have also failed in my mission. This Blog is not for my glory, it’s not about me the photographer, it’s about me the Mom, it’s about how God is using these two little boys to shape and change me, it’s about how he is teaching me through them how much he loves me. It’s about our heart breaks, our struggles, our laughter, our joy and our victories. It’s not about being top 25 at all. It’s about being second.
Let me explain.
I have begun reading ‘I am second’. by Doug Bender and Dave Sterrett. I won’t go into the book as I will be reviewing it soon and don’t wan to be a spoiler. What I will say is that it’s about a bunch of people who have come to realize that they are not first, Christ is first, and they are second. Somewhere along the line this week I made the mistake of getting caught up in being first.
I want people to read this blog, to be moved by this blog or encouraged by it and vote not because I begged them too but because they want to. I want this blog to return to being about HIS glory, and I want to apologize to each of you for making it about mine this week.
Being second… it’s an awesome place to be!