Rules of Engagement… (No Moms allowed)

Boys…. Oh how different they are, and they are so determined to make sure that I know each and every difference this week. The fights for example… is it necessary to punch, push and bite to get the point across?
Oh yes, it really is… when you are a boy.
There are rules, rules that no one told me about, rules that I don’t like but seem to be naturally ingrained in them, rules that are all a part of this secret ‘code’ called brotherhood that as a Mother (That being said like it’s a terminal illness rather than the life bearing creature that we are) has no right, nor should she expect to get the key to that code.

Lets run through a few of these ‘rules of brotherhood’ shall we? (This has been decoded merely by viewing, I have not been given the key, nor do I ever hope to get the key, however through my amazing ability to observe I have decoded a few of the rules..)

1) If your brother has a toy, it’s okay to push, hit, wrestle to the ground, beat to a pulp, the offending brother in order to get that toy.
2) If you are offered a toy, but say no to it, and then when it’s given (or taken) by your brother you decide that you had actually wanted that toy, then it’s okay to push, hit, bite or wrestle to the ground the offending brother.

3)If you are the younger brother, and by chance you discover something that clearly irritates your elder brother, then it’s okay to do that irritating thing to him until he pushes, hits, bites, beats you to a pulp, and it’s a necessary reaction to cry and feign injury while seeking out your Mother.
4)If you are the older brother, and you know that your younger brother has a special toy, or security blanket/stuffed doll, it is IMPERATIVE that you steal said toy/blanket/stuffed doll at least 12 -20 times a day, making sure to dangle said toy/blanket/stuffed toy, right under the nose of the crying snotty nose brat who ruined your prefect little world with his existence.
5)If you get a cookie, I get a cookie, by any means necessary.
6)If you have milk, I get milk, by any means necessary
7)If your mother angers you, it’s okay to take out your frustration and anger on the closest sibling at hand (even if that is a dog)
8)If your Father makes you mad, it’s okay to take out your frustration and anger on the closest sibling at hand (yes, even if that is the dog)
9) If you are close to your brother, and discover that he has some skin visible, it’s absolutely important to bite that skin

10) If you are close to your brother and he is sleeping, getting sleepy or just cranky because he’s tired, your job is to wake him, stick your finger in his nose to keep him from falling asleep or find any other way possible to increase crankiness at least two points on the richter scale.

There are more of course, but as I mentioned I am just the Mother, I am not privy to the rules of engagement nor to the ‘code’. However, there is one last observation to the ‘code’, one last rule that I have seen time and again, and of all the rules this is the one that seems to be the KEY to all the other rules, this is the MOST important of all the rules. The very first LAW of brotherhood…

11) While you have every right, to push, hit, bite, pinch, punch, kick, wrestle, wedgy or just generally pound to the ground your brother, should anyone else DARE to mess with him (yes, even the dog) then that person has made themselves fair game to any and all punishment. The accused  has gained the wrath of a brother, and should cower in fear or just run for cover…

‘For he today that sheds his blood with me shall be my brother’ William Shakespere

Published by lauriehaughton

Author & Photographer

4 thoughts on “Rules of Engagement… (No Moms allowed)

  1. Yes, but first of all, you are MALE, therefore you know the key to the code and can have no opinion in the opinion of women in regards to the rules of engagement from a female perspectivve, and second… is Cathy really wondering? Or, could it be that she is just worn down after years of living with 4 boys/men? Could it be that she gave up the fight years ago? I think your home, and my home need an estrogen infusion!


  2. RE: the rules of engagement had me holding my sides…and let me just say (and please feel free to ask my sister Cammy) All apply to sisters as well. ESPECIALLY the last one!! I would still to this day reign (rain) punishment on ANYONE that would hurt her. even when she does not want me to…lol


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