I have not been blogging lately… between the Holiday season and the a trip to BC I decided it best to take a break… but also I wanted to reflect a little on the purpose of this Blog, why do I write it? What does it serve? Does it serve or am I just throwing out thoughts into the nether regions of cyber space and allowing my pride to believe that I am the next Blog of note? If my reasons are true, if they are noble then my pride needs to stay out of the matter and I need to speak from the heart and not the head where I write what I think people want to hear… that is a tough call. So, I had to think it out, I had to decide who I was doing this for, why I was doing it and if it was worth continuing.
I think it does have purpose, and I think that it helps me, and I believe that if I continue to write from my heart I should be okay with continuing it. So… back to Blogging!
For well over 6 months I have been sitting in what I had assumed was a dark place, somewhere lonely and cold and scary… last Sunday I had the pleasure of attending St. Johns Shaunnessy in Vancouver and I had an epiphany! I have not been sitting in the dark… I have been huddled up in the shadow of the cross, not even knowing it was beside me, casting a shadow to protect me from the heat of the dessert place. It wasn’t until last Sunday that I looked up and saw his arms thrown open wide in an embrace that encompasses the world that I realized this astonishing reality. I hadn’t even asked for his protection, he had moved me to the shelter of the cross before I had even known I would need it.
Part of my Blogging distress of late has come because of this ‘dark spot’ that I was sitting in. I don’t want to live there, I want to move beyond it, especially now that Josh is looking so much better. I don’t want my identity to be wrapped up in being the Mom of a Sick Kid. “Hi, my name is Laurie and I have a Cardiac Kid” sounds so lame! I would much rather say, ‘My name is Laurie, I am the daughter of a King, I was blessed with a wonderful husband, we were entrusted with these two great kids, and I have a job that I love!’… but all my Blog posts seemed to be about me working through the ‘dark spot’. I was beginning to wonder if maybe I was dwelling, if maybe I was enjoying being the ‘accident scene’ that Blog readers the world over were rubber necking over. So I stopped, to assess my reasons and figure out my goals and motives.
That is when I realized that the dark spot, is actually the shade, and not just the shade of any old tree, but the shade of the cross… this is no dark spot. I am blessed, I am loved and I have hope beyond imagining for my kids, my husband, my job and my ministry and my husbands ministry and when the sun gets too hot I look up and find that the cross is above me, once again throwing a shadow. How cool is that?!
So, this new year will bring about a change in perspective, I will do my utmost to Blog from my heart (no matter how controversial) and if that brings a sad post on occasion then it’s okay… that is life and we were never promised a pain free life.